Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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