It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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