Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
