I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
