We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
