I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Randomize
