This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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