piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
