When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
