wanna go halves on a baby?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
