Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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