what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
