I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
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