I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
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