so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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