Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
