did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
