Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I look excited, but its just a facade.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
