I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
