i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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