that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
