mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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