it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
