Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
