these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
