I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
this is an emotional support booty call
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
