I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
