Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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