Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
