Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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