Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
