Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
