i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
