you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
