He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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