I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
