Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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