Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
