I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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