if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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