____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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