brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
