It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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