my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
