Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
