did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
