You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
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