you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
