i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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