ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
