I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
