You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
