i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I am one with the molecules
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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