I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
