i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
