come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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