i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
