The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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