I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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