i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
