Tell her she can't have a vagina
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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